Chapter 217 - SHEN JI YUN'S DILLEMA

SHEN JI YUN called a taxi to take him back home. The moment he was seated at the backseat of the taxi, he immediately opened Baidu in his phone. He remembered Bai Ze telling him before that there were forum sites where one could post anonymous questions and other people visiting the site could answer them.

When he finally found the said site, he didn't hesitate to post his question.

Anonymous: [I can't help but give too much attention to a friend of mine. Whenever he's around, my eyes always automatically follow him. I always wanted him to have a smile on his face and always be happy. I wanted to protect him from anything that might harm him. I can't handle seeing him sad, especially not seeing him cry. Whenever we accidentally touched, I couldn't help but get flustered. My heart would start beating so fast. Sometimes, I feel like I couldn't even breath. Is this all because I just think of him as a very special friend? Or is there some other reason?]

Not long after, Shen Ji Yun received a reply.

[Of course, there's some other reason! It's very clear that you like that friend! Why are you even asking something so obvious?]

His hand holding the phone shook and he almost dropped it when he read that reply. But he quickly calmed down again. Then he replied back;

Anonymous: [Yes, I do like him.]

[I feel like you didn't understand what I just said.] – replied by that person again.

Then another user also posted their reply.

[This is probably the first time the original poster felt like this, am I right?]

Anonymous: [Yes.]

[No wonder you didn't understand what I said. And here I thought you just lack comprehension.]

[We should not be too tough on her then. And explain everything to her properly.]

Wait- 'her'? Shen Ji Yun didn't have time to correct that because a barrage of replies suddenly appeared under his post.

[What's with this super innocent post?]

[Apparently, this was the first time the original poster felt like this. That's why she doesn't know what she's feeling.]

[The original poster is probably only a high school student.]

[Ah, the spring breeze of youth. I still remembered the time when I was young and very innocent.]

[Then we should help the original poster to understand her own feelings!]

[Isn't this a very easy problem to solve? Original poster, you are simply experiencing the feeling of having a first love.]

[That's right. You're in love with this friend you're talking about.]

[I suggest you go ahead and confess to him before it's too late.]

[True. Now that you realized your own feelings, it's better to strike while the iron is hot. Go and confess!]

Reading all those comments, Shen Ji Yun finally dropped his phone. His mind actually turned completely blank. He couldn't comprehend the things he just read. What were these people saying? He was in love with Luo Yan? How could that be? How could they even end up with that conclusion from the things he just said?

Wait- these people thought that he was a 'girl'. Could that be the reason?

So, he picked up his phone that fell and typed;

Anonymous: [Both me and my friend are guys.]

After he sent that, there was a momentary silence in the barrage area. Until that person who first replied to his post said;

[Then, dude, you're gay.]

[Am I experiencing a first-hand coming-out of the closet story?]

[Kyaaaa!!! A real-life BL! Could I write this one as a fan-fic?]

[Goodluck. Even though the road ahead of you would certainly be hard, I wish you and your friend all the best.]

Shen Ji Yun no longer read the respond that followed after that. Because all his mind could focus on was that one reply; [Then, dude, you're gay.]

He's… gay?

When he arrived home, he was still in a bit of a daze. His brain felt like it just short-circuited and he couldn't even tell the right from left. It's not an exaggeration to say that he's now having an identity crisis. Like a truth you believed for the past 20 years of your life was just suddenly thrown into the gutter. And now he had to face something that could possibly change the course of his life forever.

How the hell could he remain calm? 

When he entered the house, Shen Yi Mu who was reading a book in the living room thought that his nephew looked like some mindless zombie aimlessly walking.

"Ji Yun, you're back early," he called. "I thought you would eat dinner at the Bai's, so I didn't ask the housekeeper to cook dinner. Are you okay with take-outs?"

Shen Ji Yun stopped in his tracks and turned to his uncle. "Yes, take-out is fine," he said, not really thinking much.

Shen Yi Mu stared at his nephew's face and noticed that there's something wrong with his expression. It's not the usual expressionless one. Rather, his face was completely blank. As if he was at the end of his rope and had no idea how to proceed after. "Is something bothering you?"

At his uncle's inquiry, Shen Ji Yun decided to ask him for advice. Maybe his uncle could give him a better grasp of the situation he was currently facing.

"Uncle, how would you know if you're in love with a person?"

Shen Yi Mu was surprised by this sudden question. Oh, was his cold as ice nephew finally experiencing the spring of his youth? He truly wanted to just tease him. But looking at his state right now, it would probably be better to just give him a serious answer.

"Well, what I will tell you is just based on my experience, but it might not be the case for everyone. When you're in love, you basically feel much happier compared to normal. It's like you're always in some sort of high. When you discover new things, you want to try and do it together with that person. Even the things you have done a thousand times before felt much more fun when doing it with them. You find yourself wanting to spend more time with them, to experience life with them. They're always in the back of your mind. And you get just a little bit jealous when they give more attention to others than to you.

"You start seeing them as an extension of yourself, so when they're hurt, nervous or really excited about something, then you experience the same feelings as them. You wanted them to always be happy. Seeing them cry feels like there's a thousand needles poking at your heart. You'd rather be the one who's hurt than them. Unknowingly, you start to include them in your future. As if it's the most natural thing. And lastly, all the cheezy love songs suddenly make sense."

Shen Ji Yun stared at his uncle. This was the first time he had seen him with such a soft look on his face. It's almost like he was reminiscing. And maybe he did. Maybe he said those things while thinking of that person he fell in love with.

He suddenly fell into a deep thought. While listening to his uncle, there was only one person that kept on flashing in his mind. Every sentence his uncle said applied to that person. The more he heard, the more the image of that person became even clearer in his mind. Until it was only filled with Luo Yan's beautiful face – smiling at him and calling him 'Brother Ji Yun'.

This led him to a sudden realization. That realization slowly made his heart beat faster and faster. Almost as if it would burst at any second. He could no longer deny it.

He was indeed in love with Luo Yan.