Chapter 192 - LUO YAN'S FEARS

LUO YAN looked at the different dishes on the long table.  They all looked delicious and mouth-watering.  But he somehow couldn't bring himself to show any kind of enthusiasm.  Even as he ate, the food just became tasteless.  Which was truly such a shame.  Because it's obvious his aunt spent a lot of time making these dishes.

He didn't have to think hard to know the reason why.  It was all because of that meeting in the garden with his grandfather.  That meeting truly made him feel sad and depressed.  Something that he hadn't felt for so long.

He didn't even feel like this when he died and got reborn.  The only emotion he felt then was anger and frustration.  Well, granted that his new family was super great that's why he was able to move on quite fast.  But still, it never crossed his mind that meeting his grandfather would make him feel this way.

  Earlier, while he was holding those thin trembling shoulders and his shirt became damped due to his grandfather's tears, he felt a kind of sadness he never had before.  Almost similar to that time he found out that his parents died.  But still not quite. 

His sadness then when he realized that his parents would never return was like a deep abyss.  But his sadness now was more like a dark ball surrounded by thorns, constantly prickling at his heart. 

His grandfather's crying still became uncontrollable even after Luo Yan tried his best to calm him.  So, the nurse had to sedate him in the end.  He was taken to his room after that.

Then Luo Yan started feeling down right after.

It was not just because he was feeling sorry for him.  It's because he understood his sadness.  The feeling of waiting for people who would never return.  He knew that feeling all too well. 

When his parents died and he was sent to the orphanage by his relatives, he stood in front of the door of the orphanage day and night.  Waiting.  Waiting for his parents.  Waiting for them to return to pick him up.  He would stand there amidst the sun, the rain, or the wind.  And yet, no matter how long he waited, they never came back. 

That constant waiting caused him to collapsed and contract a fever.  He even had to be sent to a hospital because of how high his temperature was.  After being in a delirious state for two consecutive days, his young mind finally realized that his parents were gone. 

That realization brought an unimaginable pain that he almost felt like a part of his heart also died that day.  That pain was something that he never wanted to experience ever again. 

That's probably the reason why he subconsciously closed-off himself to people.  No matter how amiable and gentle he appeared in front of people, he could just never get himself to open up to other people.  In his last life, he never allowed himself to get close to others.  Because he was afraid to feel the same pain again.

It's only in this second life given to him that he loosened up and allowed people into his heart.  But seeing the state his grandfather was in, he was reminded once again that nothing was permanent.  He could lose people he cared about in just a snap.  Without any kind of warning.

Luo Yan wasn't sure if he could survive if he experienced that kind of pain again.  If his father or his brothers suddenly disappeared one day, he didn't know what he would do.  He probably might just lose it. 

He gripped the chopsticks he was holding tightly.  He didn't even notice that his hand was shaking until a much larger hand covered his.  He raised his head and saw Luo Ren who was sitting on his left smiling gently at him.

"Here, Yan Yan, I know you will like this one," he said, putting a piece of shrimp dumpling on Luo Yan's rice bowl.

Luo Jin who was sitting in front of him pushed a bowl of soup to his direction.  "This soup is delicious.  So start eating before everything turns cold," he said in a scolding manner, but the worry in his voice couldn't be masked. 

Luo Wei Tian sitting on the right side of Luo Yan put stir-fried vegetables on his son's plate.  He stroked Luo Yan's head gently.  "Don't forget to eat your veggies."

"Yes, Yan Yan, even though eating vegetables is a pain, Mom's vegetables are always delicious so it's not a pain," Bai Ye said in a childish yet cute way. 

"Xiao Ye, what kind of reasoning was that?" Bai Ze said chuckling.  Then he turned to Luo Yan.  "But the kid has a point.  Every dish on this table is delicious.  I could give you my guarantee on that."

"My brats are right.  But if there's a particular food that's not here that you wanted to eat, just tell me.  I'll take a quick trip to the kitchen and make it for you," Sun Xiulan said with an understanding smile on her face.

"I heard from Wei Tian that Xiao Yan love sweets.  We prepared a lot of those, so you could have as many as you want after you finished eating," Bai Chen said.

"But not too much, Uncle," Luo Jin immediately reminded.

Bai Chen only chuckled.  "Yes, not too much."

Luo Yan gazed down.  He could feel the unabashed care and love of everyone.  They were no doubt worried about him.  He felt his chest suddenly became stuffy.  Like it was clogged or something.  All the emotions rampaging inside him was like a water in a full container that was just waiting to spill out.

These people, they're his new family.  Letting himself be filled with negativity, constantly thinking that something bad would happen to them, was simply a great disservice to these wonderful people.  It's like he was mocking their love for him by having these negative thoughts.

If he continued on this way, he would just sooner or later closed himself off again.  And that would be truly unfair to his newfound family.  No, he couldn't do that.  So, he should stop all this negativity while he still could.  Not just for their sake, but also for his own. 

He bit his lower lip to prevent his tears from falling.  When he finally managed to calm his emotions, he raised his head. 

Luo Yan smiled brightly at them and said in an energetic voice, "I'll make sure to try every dishes and stuff myself up."

And he did just that.  All the while thinking how thankful he was meeting everyone.