Volume 8 Chapter 7.5

Extra Chapter: Epilogue (End) – translated by Eilinel

The story has finally reached this point! I couldn’t help but heave a sigh of relief. I have finally finished penning down the final battle! I had only realized as I was writing how dangerous and adrenaline-inducing the battle had been. As someone who had been involved, I could only feel my heart racing and beating really loudly.

Afterwards, everyone started living their own separate lives. Wolf-dàgē and Yu Lian-dàsǎo were finally married in real life as well, and both of them followed Doll back to her country. Wolf-dàgē continued to practice medicine there, and Yu Lian-dàsǎo continued her job as a financial advisor as well.

Five years later, Doll became the queen of her country. This was really shocking news—Doll, a queen? God bless her country; hopefully it will survive until Doll steps down from the throne.

In the end, Nan Gong Zui married Ice Phoenix… although there was a mishap during the day of the wedding ceremony. Fan actually appeared without notice! With an obnoxious smile, he presented the bride with 999 red roses… Everyone was worrying whether the bride would be the first person to raise an objection if the priest were to ask if there was anyone who objected to the marriage, when Phoenix did something that all of us applauded in our hearts. She walked up to Fan, raised a 10-centimeter-high bridal heel, and kicked Fan’s XXX with all her might. I’m not too sure, but I thought I heard a “Pop!” sound at that moment! However, the thing that broke definitely hadn’t been Phoenix’s heels…

After we called an ambulance to send Fan to hospital, Zui and Phoenix’s wedding ceremony ended perfectly (though I would have preferred to call a garbage truck instead of an ambulance!). The sweet couple then went on to become the nemesis of all criminals; they were known as the Criminal-Busting-Couple.

The most unbelievable thing was… Lolidragon actually became my sister-in-law! Moreover, it was a shotgun marriage…

Although my younger brother and Lolidragon were in a relationship, Lolidragon kept refusing to marry Yang Ming because he was a few years younger than her. However, one day, for some unknown reason, Yang Ming borrowed a sewing needle that I had never used before and poked something—ahem, you know, the thing that starts with “con” and ends with “dom”—as though he had an unforgivable feud with it…

Three months later I had a sister-in-law and a nephew who was due to be born in seven months.

Hehe, now that I’ve reached this point, everyone must be worried about Sunshine and Kenshin, right?

All’s well that ends well. In order for Sunshine to be together with Fairsky in real life, Gui and Zhuo-gēge finally agreed to work together. With Lolidragon and Doll providing funding, “Project Artificial Body Development” was established. Basically, the project was an extension of Long Dian’s initial plan to develop an artificial body. In the end, Sunshine was able to move out of the game and forever stay by Fairsky’s side in reality. Their location at the moment is currently unknown, as they are always traveling around the globe. They might be adventuring in Africa right now for all I know!

As the saying goes, one example will trigger a chain reaction. Since Celestial wanted to pester Doll, he was the first among the rest of the NPCs to come out of the game. Currently, he is working as Queen Doll’s exclusive bodyguard.

Next was my cute Meatbun. If I had left it alone in Second Life, it would have definitely created a new record for flooding in Second Life. Naturally, after that, Fire Phoenix insisted on playing in reality together with her husband, so we let it out too.

Finally, we even created an artificial body for Kenshin, who hadn’t really wanted to enter reality. (Of course, one very important factor for the creation of his body was the fact that Cold Fox had been threatening Gui and Wicked with flying daggers.)

Kenshin is still refusing to follow Cold Fox home. Since he has nowhere else to go, he stays in my house. After he started to clean my house because he had nothing else to do, he became my place’s ultimate housekeeper. The floors of my house are always as shiny as a mirror, and if you don’t pay attention when walking on it, you would probably fall from the fifth floor to the first floor.

Cold Fox still comes to spar with Kenshin every three days, though to date, he has never won. (Obviously! Gui and Wicked designed Kenshin’s body as the supreme bodyguard type. Even if you were to shoot at Kenshin with a machine gun, he wouldn’t have any injuries at all. It would take a miracle for a human to beat him.)

Ah, that reminds me, my cousin Rose and Broken Sword got married shortly after the final battle. When they found out that I was Prince, they were so surprised that their jaws nearly dropped. Nonetheless, they didn’t forget to use this information to blackmail me into giving them a very big red packet for their wedding…

Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen everyone in a while. Ever since that battle ten years ago, everyone went their separate ways and returned to their normal lives. It has been such a long time that I can’t help but reminisce about the time we spent together…

BANG! My cypress door which cost me an arm and a leg was suddenly kicked open. I couldn’t hold my anger in and yelled, “Just who dares to kick my precious door and disturb me? Don’t you know that today is the day when I pretend to have a calm disposition?”

“But, Xiao Xiao Lan was asking for you.” With an innocent smile, my mom put the cute little girl in her arms down. That pair of big eyes that was exactly the same as mine was the source of my pride! Although everyone keeps telling me that Xiao Xiao Lan looks more like her dad, her eyes are a carbon copy of mine.

“Daddy~~,” said Xiao Xiao Lan. Once my mom put Xiao Xiao Lan on the ground, she wasted no time running into my arms.

“It’s Mommy!” Resigned, I corrected my daughter for the Nth time.

“It’s not!” Xiao Xiao Lan said while pouting with her tiny mouth, “My kindergarten teacher said that the person who carried and gave birth to Xiao Xiao Lan is Mommy, while the other person is Daddy!”

This… I twiddled my thumbs, feeling slightly guilty. It’s because I’m scared of pain… so, so that time I…

“Gui, I want a child!” I blurted all of a sudden.

The story started when my stupid brother, after the Long Dian event, finally won the heart of big sister Lolidragon. After his marriage proposal had been shot down tens of times, my brother finally married Lolidragon with the help of a sewing needle. At the day of my brother’s graduation, he suddenly received the news that his wife was going into labor, so he left the ceremony abruptly in his graduation robes, dragging me along.

“Sis, drive faster!” Yang Ming was like a cat on hot bricks. He was so anxious that he forgot he had sworn never to ride anything that I was driving ever again, and he even wanted me to speed up. Alright, since he was so anxious, I pressed down harder on the accelerator until we were going at three hundred kilometers per hour…

Fortunately, little Long Ming still has his dad!

I held Lolidragon and my brother’s baby, Feng Long Ming, in my arms. As I stared at his soft body and chubby arms, I thought that he looked really cute! However, my stupid brother kept saying that whenever he saw the way I held little Long Ming, he would nearly have a heart attack, so he always refused to let me hold the baby…

…The only chance I ever had of carrying Long Ming was when he wasn’t around, and Lolidragon had passed him to me so that she could sneak out and buy LV and Chanel goods.

Gui, who had been massaging my shoulders, was stunned for ten seconds when he heard my sudden declaration. Then, he asked excitedly, “But dear, didn’t you say that you don’t want to give birth because you are scared of pain?”

“That’s right, it will be painful…” I said. I tilted my head and recalled the time when Lolidragon was in the delivery room. The way she kept yelling that she wanted to kill Yang Ming while she was giving birth gave me a sense of trepidation. (Though, Yang Ming’s yell when his arm was broken by Lolidragon as he stayed by her side while she was giving birth wasn’t that much softer…)

“Babies are so cute, but it would be so painful…” I knocked my head with my hand repeatedly and didn’t realize that I nearly dropped little Long Ming. Gui quickly took little Long Ming away from me to prevent a tragedy. Namely, the tragedy where Yang Ming, Lolidragon, my parents, and Long-bà hunted me down.

“What should I do…” I thought harder and harder…

Kenshin, who had been cleaning quietly at the side, suddenly walked over in silence and put a newspaper down before leaving silently as well.

“Kenshin, didn’t Cold Fox ask you out for tea?” I recalled that Cold Fox had asked Kenshin out the last time he was here.

“I’m not going.” Kenshin answered simply and directly, “I still want to be a man.”

What a good reason for not going. I bit my index finger and shrugged, “Is there any difference between going and not going? Even if you don’t go, Cold Fox will still come over to our house to drink with you.”

“To be exact, this is Lolidragon’s house.” After Kenshin stated this fact, he continued vacuuming the house.

Poor Cold Fox, I wonder how much tea he would have to drink before he can win Kenshin’s icy heart… I casually picked up today’s newspaper, thinking about reading which political figures were messing around today, but when I saw the headline, my eyes lit up like two infinitely dazzling light bulbs!

“Gui, look!” With eyes that were still shining brightly, I looked pleadingly at my dearest husband, Gui.

“This is…” Gui was dumbstruck. He stared at the newspaper in my hand in disbelief, and then looked at me.

Written clearly on the newspaper was, “XX Hospital Has Successfully Impregnated A Man, And He Gave Birth To A Healthy Baby Yesterday!”

I looked at cute little Long Ming in Gui’s arms, and then I looked at Gui with my most irresistible puppy dog face…

Gui has never let me down.

Ten months later…

“Hubby, hang in there!” I said as I looked at Gui’s pale face anxiously.

“Ok…” said Gui. He lay on the bed with a pale face and kept gasping for air.

“Wolf-dàgē, Gui will be fine, right?” I quickly asked Wolf-dàgē, who was wearing a surgeon’s scrubs.

In order to help Gui deliver the baby without a hitch, Wolf-dàgē had specially come back from overseas. He laughed in a sunny way, and put his mask on. He said, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. There is no problem at all with Gui’s prenatal examination reports, so he will definitely be able to give birth to a healthy child.”

“Relax, Prince. Gui will be fine!” said Yu Lian-dàsǎo. She was dressed as a nurse, and she consoled me with a smile, “You should leave the room first. We are going to cut his abdomen open so we can take the child out now.”

What? They are going to cut Gui’s abdomen open? Wouldn’t he die then? After all, doesn’t one kill a fish by cutting its stomach open? I was panicking so much that my tears kept flowing, “Boohoohoo, don’t cut Gui’s stomach open! I don’t want a child anymore. Gui, don’t give birth anymore! You will die! Sob…”

Three black lines were visible on both Wolf-dàgē and Yu Lian-dàsǎo’s faces. Gui suppressed the pain with his willpower and gently consoled, “No, I will be fine. Dear, you should go out and wait. In a moment, I will be out and holding the baby for you to see.”

I stopped sobbing. A little suspicious, I asked, “Is that true?”

“Yes, you should leave faster!” said the three of them in unison.

I pouted and said, “I want to stay and keep Gui company.”

All of a sudden, the door to the delivery room was opened and Zhuo-gēge appeared at the doorway with a resigned look on his face. He walked to my side, hugged me with one swift movement and proceeded to drag me out of the room. As he left, he said, “You guys can start now!”

“Bastard! Don’t you dare take advantage of my wife while I’m giving birth!” yelled Gui. He was so angry that he leapt up from the bed and continued, “Do you hear me, Wicked? Let go of Prince!”

Wolf-dàgē grabbed Gui and threw him back onto the bed in one movement. He then sighed, “What a troublesome husband and wife pair indeed.”

Next, since I didn’t hear Gui’s voice yelling for Zhuo-gēge not to do anything to me coming from the delivery room anymore, I started to get worried instead. Don’t tell me that, like a fish, Gui died after his stomach was cut open? I couldn’t stop my imagination from running wild, and I paced back and forth furiously outside the delivery room as though as my life depended on it.

“So, how is my brother-in-law? He still hasn’t given birth to the baby yet?” said Yang Ming as he slowly walked over. He tried to maintain a serious demeanor, but he couldn’t suppress his laughter anymore. As he slapped Zhuo Ling Bin’s back, he laughed so hard that he became short of breath. He gasped, “Hahaha Zhuo-dàgē, you really should rejoice that you didn’t marry my sister, or you would be the one giving birth right now!”

“Rejoice?” Zhuo Ling Bin repeated with a slight smile. The bitterness at the corner of his mouth couldn’t be wiped off. He knew that if he had been the one who had taken the final blow for me and ended up lying on the sick bed for a month, the person giving birth right now could have been himself. Unfortunately, thinking of “what ifs” was completely meaningless.

“Waaa…” The clear sound of a baby crying came from the delivery room.

I opened my mouth wide. Has the baby… really been born?

After a while, the door to the delivery room was pushed open. Yu Lian-dàsǎo walked out with a cloth bundle in her arms. I walked past Yu Lian-dàsǎo with large strides, combining three steps into two, and stopped in front of Gui. His eyes were still shut tightly, and his face was still pale, but it was evident that he was still breathing…

I finally let out a sigh of relief. I softly caressed Gui who was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and smiled broadly. I thought I should say something.

“Good job, hubby.”

In order to name the child, Gui and I referred to astrology, the Eight Trigrams, I-ching, Tian Di-ching, I Chin Ching etc. All in all, after very careful consideration, we decided to name the cute daughter that Gui worked very hard to give birth to as Min Lan Lan. Everyone affectionately nicknamed her Xiao Xiao Lan. She has grown up to become the superbly cute young girl in front of me now.

“Oh right. Daddy, Zhuo-gēge is here,” said Xiao Xiao Lan while smiling happily.

“Xiao Xiao Lan should call him Zhuo-shūshu; only Mommy can call him Zhuo-gēge.” Once again, I corrected my daughter’s messed-up terms of address.

“Oh Daddy, just to let you know, Mommy and Zhuo-gēge are fighting!” Xiao Xiao Lan’s face was full of excitement as she said this, and she even punched the air energetically with her little fists.

“What?” My eyes nearly dropped out of their sockets. They’re fighting again? But I’ve been here this whole time, so I couldn’t have been the one who lit the fuse…

“Why are they fighting again?” I asked.

“I don’t know!” answered Xiao Xiao Lan. She tilted her little head and tapped the dimples on her face with her forefinger in confusion. She continued, “After Xiao Xiao Lan said that she wanted to marry Zhuo-gēge when she grows up, Mommy immediately said he would fight Zhuo-gēge to the death, so Xiao Xiao Lan really doesn’t know why they are fighting.”

“…You want to marry Zhuo-gēge?” I picked Xiao Xiao Lan up and said, “Xiao Xiao Lan, the age gap between you and Zhuo-gēge is more than thirty years!”

“Why does it matter?” Xiao Xiao Lan puffed out her chest and counted her fingers, saying, “Long-jiějie is older than Ming-gēge by a few years, Kenshin-gēge and Cold Fox-gēge are both men, Doll-jiějie and Celestial-jiějie are both women…”

“Celestial is a man, he only looks like a woman.” Once again, I corrected my daughter’s mistakes. Also… Xiao Xiao Lan, are gēge and jiějie the only terms of address you know?

“There is also Meatbunbun-gēge and Fire Phoenix-jiějie!” The last couple that Xiao Xiao Lan used as an example was neither human nor even living creatures!

Don’t tell me that due to being wrongly influenced by these messed-up couples, she has decided that she wants to marry Zhuo-gēge? I didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry. Then again, it was quite common for humans to live for about two hundred years now, so a thirty-year age difference shouldn’t be a problem, right? Though, Gui would definitely go crazy over this…

“Alright Daddy, Xiao Xiao Lan wants to go and play with Meatbunbun-gēge now,” said my beloved daughter as she skipped happily out of my study.

I reminded Xiao Xiao Lan, “Be careful of Fire Phoenix’s jealousy. Don’t get burned by her.”

“Yes~~~,” answered Xiao Xiao Lan as she closed the door to the study behind her.

“I wonder how long Gui and Zhuo-gēge are going to fight for?” I said as I scratched my face. Although I knew that Zhuo-gēge wouldn’t injure Gui heavily, if that handsome face of Gui’s were injured, I’d still feel pained.

As for Zhuo-gēge’s safety, I didn’t need to worry about that at all. These two have been fighting for the past ten years, and I have never seen him get injured before. More often than not, it was Gui’s wounds that I had to tend to while he winced in pain.

“Kenshin is cleaning the living room, so they can’t continue fighting for long,” my mother explained with a smile.

“Kenshin’s there? Then I have nothing to worry about,” I said, relieved. I then decided to continue working. Who? Who is the one who said that my job is just me pretending to be a lady? That’s not my job, okay? I’m writing a book! A book!

“Dictator, summon my incomplete book,” I commanded to the air.

A holographic human form appeared before my study desk. He had a head of flowing red hair and grey eyes, and there was even an exotic magic tattoo under his left eye. The Dictator of Life gently smiled and asked, “Are you going to finish writing the book now?”

“Yes!” I laughed. Thank goodness I have the Dictator of Life to help me out, or else I would mess everything up. Luckily, after Long Dian’s consciousness disappeared, the Dictator of Life’s consciousness came back, and he returned to the world of the internet… However, that guy Kenshin said that revealing that the Dictator of Life was still alive would create a lot of problems, so it would be better to say he had died…That made me really sad for a while!

Anyway, this story is finally nearing its end. I gently knocked my head and said, “Let me think… Mm, let’s do this. ‘From then on, everyone lived happily ever after.’ Is this a good ending?”

“That is perfect. What about the title of the book?” asked the Dictator of Life with a smile.

As I opened my mouth to answer, the door to the study was slammed open once again. Just like before, someone rushed into my embrace. He complained with a face covered in tears and snot, “Dear, Wicked is trying to make off with our Xiao Xiao Lan!”

“I am not!” Wicked said in a stern voice with pursed lips.

“No? If you aren’t, then why would Xiao Xiao Lan say that she wants to marry you? You obviously saw how young and innocent our Xiao Xiao Lan is, and that’s why you deliberately tricked her! You perverted pedophile!” Not to be outdone, Gui roared back.

“I. Am. Not. A. Pedophile!” Zhuo-gēge snarled each word with gritted teeth.

“Yes you are!” Gui said with iron conviction, “Back then, you fell in love with my wife when she was only a few years old, and now you are aiming for our Xiao Xiao Lan. If you don’t call this pedophilia, what do you call it?”

“Gui, stop creating a ruckus.” I quickly said in order to stop the escalating situation. Zhuo-gēge’s face’s was so livid with rage that he seemed like he was going to go berserk soon. If Gui had continued causing an uproar, I might’ve ended up becoming a widow today.

“I… I was only worried about our beloved daughter,” Gui said as he wore an expression of hurt, hugging me in the process, and then he looked at Zhuo-gēge with a victorious expression.

“Rest assured. Rather than me, you should be more worried about yourself, the gay-with-a-daughter-complex!” Zhuo-gēge coldly sneered back.

“What did you say?” Gui asked, furious.

The two of them immediately started fighting again. With his martial prowess, Zhuo Ling Bin was dangerous even if he was unarmed…

At least, against Gui, a defenseless professor, his attacks were lethal! Although Gui couldn’t defeat even one finger of Zhuo Ling Bin’s, he could still use the only attack he knew, which was to dodge constantly while picking up random stuff beside him to throw in Zhuo Ling Bin’s direction.

I watched my belongings—my book, my paperweight, and my mouse—being thrown around by Gui. Zhuo-gēge destroyed my flower vase and chair with his random kicks. My precious study is being devastated by these two tactless people… I’m furious!

I was so angry that N number of my veins popped out, and my fists were clenched tightly. Finally, I unleashed my ultimate attack, bellowing, “Cold Fox! Some people are increasing the amount of cleaning that Kenshin has to do!”

As the words left my mouth, Zhuo-gēge froze in midair in the middle of a kick, while Gui looked at the mug he was going to throw and carefully placed it back at its original spot.

Cold Fox is truly the most ruthless of all. Especially when it comes to matters concerning Kenshin, he doesn’t know what it means to have mercy!

After all, no one wants to go against a person who, at the age of eighteen and still wearing his school uniform, already wielded flying daggers as a member of the criminal underworld! Unless you feel you’ve lived too long and want to die immediately, that is.

From the door, two figures walked in silently. One of them was Kenshin, and the other was his perpetual stalker — Cold Fox.

“Everyone is here,” said Kenshin succinctly.

Everyone? Who is “everyone”? I thought, confused.

“Wicked and Gui, are both of you fighting again?” asked Wolf-dàgē. His hearty laugh was so loud that it could be heard coming from outside the study, and it was accompanied by the sound of Yu Lian-dàsǎo’s soft laughter.

“Wolf-dàgē/Wolf-gē!” The three of us said in unison.

“Wolf-gē, why are you here?” asked Gui, surprised.

“Oh? Has everyone forgotten what day today is?” asked Yu Lian-dàsǎo. The smile on her face was as warm as ever.

“Yu Lian-dàsǎo is here too?” I said as I rushed into her arms, unable to restrain myself as I hadn’t seen her in a long time.

“You’re an adult now, yet you still act like a spoiled child.” Yu Lian-dàsǎo gently chided me, but there was an obvious hint of a smile in the corner of her eyes.

“This fellow has always been like this. She hasn’t grown up at all.” Lolidragon teased me as she leaned on the doorway.

“As the saying goes, a leopard never changes its spots!” said Yang Ming as he revealed a helpless expression.

Astonished, I asked, “Eh? Why are both of you home early today? Doesn’t Gui usually have to drive to the pub in order to drag the two of you, who are completely wasted, home?”

“Sigh, the pub has closed down,” said Lolidragon with an expression full of heartfelt pain.

“Oh?” It can’t be that…

“I only picked a few fights in their shop. To my surprise, they went out of business and now we have to look for a new pub again.” Yang Ming sighed as he shook his head. He said, “Lolidragon, if you had flirted less, then I wouldn’t have had to fight with that group of perverts.”

“Hmph! You‘re the one who should flirt less. This reminds me, what happened to that hot babe from last time?” replied Lolidragon, determined not to be outdone.

As expected, the closure of the pub was caused by these two people. I shook my head.

“Prince-gēge!” A dignified face with a hint of playfulness appeared beside the door. The androgynous beauty standing beside her revealed the identity of the young girl.

“Doll! Celestial!” Now I was really shocked. If a queen had come and leaned on your door, even if you knew her true nature, you would be shocked, right? I asked in slight disbelief, “Doll, why are you here too?”

“Hehe, this is because Doll wants to marry Celestial!” Doll said while pouting.

“You want to marry him?” I asked, though I wasn’t very surprised about that. After all, Fairsky and Sunshine had already set an example.But how is this linked to the reason why she’s at my house now?

“However, my chancellors said that because I am the Queen, I can’t marry Celestial. Therefore, I abdicated and passed the crown to my younger sister.” Doll was all smiles as she said, “Now Doll doesn’t have a place to go anymore, so is it alright for Doll to stay with Prince-gēge and everyone else from now on?”

“Of course! I’ve always felt that this house is too big and the number of people staying here too few. It’s not lively enough!” I said, laughing happily.

“What was Prince-gēge doing? The Dictator of Life has been grinning stupidly beside you this whole time.” The observant Doll noticed the virtual form of the Dictator of Life awaiting my order beside me.

“Ah!” I exclaimed, almost forgetting that the Dictator was still waiting for me to name the book.

“I’m naming my book!”

On hearing this, everyone looked at one another. They said, “Didn’t you already name it long ago?”

“Ah?” My book’s name has already been decided? How come I’m the only person who doesn’t know that?

“Everyone felt that, regardless of whether you were a guy or girl, you’d forever remain in our hearts as the Blood Elf Prince who always laughed with pride, cherished his comrades, and was a most incredible person; but since you’re really a woman, we reluctantly named you Half Prince.”

[½ Prince END]

Footnotes

 Big red packet: Red packets contain a sum of money folded inside red paper and are given both during Chinese New Year to unmarried younger relatives as well as to the bride and groom during their wedding ceremony. A big red packet refers to there being more money inside, not to the actual size of the red packet.

 Tian Di-ching, I Chin Ching: These last two are rather unexpected choices… Tian Di-ching was a method used by ancient Chinese to tell time by the heavens. For example, one day was split into 12 hours (not 24!), 5 of which were night. Also, it was used to mark the calendar by the seasons. I Chin Ching is “changing tendon exercise”, which is a way of training one’s muscles and tendons. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yijin_Jing.

 Zhuo-shūshu: Shūshu means uncle.