Book 1: Chapter First Rule of Sun Knights: “Maintain Your Smile at All Times”

Book 1: Chapter First Rule of Sun Knights: “Maintain Your Smile at All Times”

I am a knight. To be precise, I am the Sun Knight of the Church of the God of Light.

The Church of the God of Light worships and serves the God of Light, and it is one of the three largest religions on this continent. But although it may only be ranked third in terms of size, if we’re talking in terms of history, then there is no other religious organization that can compare with the Church of the God of Light.

As everyone knows, the Church of the God of Light consists of the Holy Temple and the Sanctuary of Light, which are organized along militaristic and clerical lines respectively.

Naturally, I am a knight of the Holy Temple, of which the twelve captains of the holy knights are a part, and whose positions are passed down through the generations. Since ancient times, each captain of the holy knights has led a company of knights. For example, I am the Sun Knight, so I should be leading the Sun Knight Company.

However, the chances of war breaking out are extremely low during these peaceful times. Without wars, the knight companies cannot mobilize; if the knight companies cannot mobilize, then they cannot plunder, pillage, or ransack under the cover of the chaos of war…! In any case, at the current moment the Holy Temple is unable to afford the upkeep for twelve full companies of knights. Thus, they decided to simply put together all the knights instead and form a Holy Temple Company, which can be further divided into twelve platoons. As for which platoon reports to me, it’s obviously the Sun Knight Platoon.

The original Sun Knight Company may have shrunk into the Sun Knight Platoon, but of all captains of the holy knights, this change has the least impact on me. That’s because as the leader of the Twelve Holy Knights, I am naturally the commander of the entire Holy Temple Company. As long as I am a company commander, who cares if it’s the Sun Knight Company or the Holy Temple Company, right?

So, who are the twelve captains of the holy knights?

Whoa, I’d better introduce them to you slowly. If I just rattle off a list of names, ten out of ten people wouldn’t be able to remember who the captains are.

Let’s start by taking a look at this fellow walking next to me. That’s right; I’m talking about the guy with the long, blue hair who is busy winking flirtatiously at all the nearby ladies. That’s him, the Storm Knight.

Each Holy Knight has his own expected personality – that’s right, you heard correctly, “expected” personality.

For instance, the Sun Knight is born to be the benevolent spokesperson of the God of Light.

That’s right; I am the benevolent spokesperson of the God of Light.

As such, no matter what the circumstances are, I must smile a smile as incandescent as the sun. Even if the person I’m about to meet is the one they call the most obnoxious monarch of all five kingdoms on the entire continent, that fat pig of a king who rules over the Kingdom of Forgotten Sound, I must still smile as though I’m about to meet a hot babe.

To force myself to treat a fat pig of a guy as a hot babe – oh brother! Surely you understand the difficulty level of this?

“The benevolent God of Light will forgive your sins.”

This sentence is one which I have to say over a hundred times a day, plus I must wear my most perfect smile as I say it. This is the life of a Sun Knight, to forever wear a smile and forgive others.

This is because, as the entire continent knows, the Sun Knight is the benevolent spokesperson of the God of the Light and he will never give up on the redemption of any individual!

Thus, even if I actually really want to kill that fat pig of a king with a single stab of my sword and make that old bugger who refuses to die hurry up and pass the throne on to his far more pleasant son, I cannot. I can only continue to wear a brilliant smile, walk over, and do my best to persuade that fat pig of a king to stop collecting more taxes.

Ah, but we’re going off-topic.

Back to what I was saying, just as the Sun Knight is the benevolent spokesperson of the God of Light, the Storm Knight is the knight-representative of “freedom”. As such, he is “carefree” and “a footloose charmer”.

As long as it’s a meeting he can skip, he will skip it!

As long as it’s a woman who looks better than a dragon, he will have to give her a flirtatious wink.

As long as it’s something that has even the slightest connection to “freedom”, he will have to get involved. For instance, if there’s a revolution somewhere, he must at least head down there and give a rousing speech. He would even be unable to leave after the speech at times and end up being forced to lead some rebel group or another.

However, what’s still more mysterious is that even if he skipped all of the meetings called by the Holy Temple, he would still know exactly what had been discussed during the meetings and even manage to complete all the work that had been assigned to him. (Sometimes he will have an especially huge amount of work. It can’t be helped; who asked him not to attend the meeting? Of course we would take advantage of his absence to push all the work to him!) He would even know if the next meeting absolutely cannot be skipped, in which case he would show up on time for work.

This is to say, you may be called the carefree Storm Knight, and on the surface you are allowed to skip meetings, but you still have to complete the reports assigned to you!

As for the part about him being “a footloose charmer”… On our way here, no matter if they were princesses, ladies, female servants, or matronly housewives armed with toilet plungers, he would wink flirtatiously at the women we met and there would always be a playful smile on his lips.

However, I have suspected all this time that this fellow is actually still an innocent virgin. After all, in spite of his reputation as “a footloose charmer”, in all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never once seen a pregnant woman come up to him demanding that he take responsibility.

That mischievous smile of his is probably fake, just like that head of blue hair.

That’s right; that fellow’s hair is dyed!

Why?

As the whole continent knows, the Storm Knight has blue hair!

I don’t know if the first Storm Knight really had blue hair or whether he just wanted to look cool and so dyed his hair blue. In any case, he caused a hell of a lot of trouble for subsequent generations of Storm Knights. After all, are there really that many children with blue hair to be found?

There obviously aren’t any!

Thus, all the subsequent Storm Knights have had to dye their hair blue for the rest of their lives. The cause of death for eight out of every ten of them is kidney failure from dyeing their hair too much… Sigh! I’ll just observe a moment of silence for you now, Storm.

“Did you say something to me, Sun?” Next to me, Storm Knight raised his eyebrows. The expression on his face seemed to be telling me not to interrupt him while he was busy giving women flirtatious winks.

“I did not, in fact, communicate any words to you, Brother Storm. Perhaps what you heard was the gentle murmuring of the benevolent God of Light,” I replied with a placid smile.

A pained look darted across Storm’s face. I guess that he really can’t stand my way of talking, because I myself really can’t stand my way of talking either. However, I have no choice but to talk in this manner, just like how Storm has no choice but to give every woman a flirtatious wink, even if she is no less hideous than a dragon.

As for me, I have no choice but to somehow link every sentence to the God of Light, even if the conversation has to do with how the toilet bowl is clogged – in which case, without a doubt, the toilet bowl must have clogged according to the God of Light’s will.

Consequently, I do not like to talk. After all, nobody made it a rule that the Sun Knight must be fond of chatting.

(Praise be to the God of Light; luckily the first Sun Knight did not leave behind an impression as a talkative fellow.)

Back to the topic of hair, just like how the Storm Knight must have a head of blue hair, I, the Sun Knight, must have golden hair and blue eyes.

It was precisely because of this head of shining gold hair that during the selection competition for the Twelve Holy Knights I managed to defeat another boy whose hair color was closer to brown but had three times my skill with a sword.

At that time, my teacher — that is, the previous Sun Knight — almost seemed to have a heartbroken look in his eyes as he announced that I had won the selection.

His gaze remained on that brown-haired boy the whole time.

Fortunately, although my swordsmanship was nowhere near that genius kid’s level, I could still be considered to have outstanding talents in other areas, which comforted my teacher somewhat.

However, every once in a while, I would hear my teacher talking with a private investigator, saying, “Have you found the brown-haired one yet? I’ve already bought the hair dye from the mage…”

After walking for over ten minutes along a ridiculously long corridor which was a complete waste of taxpayers’ money, we finally reached the audience hall. As I’ve said, our purpose for coming to see the king this time is to convince him to reduce the taxes…although I feel that it would already be an accomplishment in itself if I could just persuade him not to increase the taxes any further.

“Greetings, I am the Sun Knight from the Church of the God of Light. By the benevolence of the God of Light, I have come to seek an audience with His Majesty, the king, to spread the message of the God of Light’s love,” I said serenely to the guard, smiling.

The guard had an eager look on his face, and he gazed at me worshipfully for a few moments before turning to relay the message of our arrival. Within a moment, the doors to the audience hall were slowly swinging open.

I flashed the guard a flawless smile of thanks, and it seemed that the latter was so moved that he was on the verge of tears. Seeing the little stars glittering in his eyes, I thought, Ha! Looks like the number of names on the members list of my fan club has just increased by one.

The guard’s expression was one of astonishment at an unexpected piece of kindness, as though he could hardly believe that I would show such courtesy even to a lowly guard. Truth be told, though, it was just him thinking too much about it. Whether it’s an audience with a king or just the beggar on the street corner, there will always be a flawless smile befitting of a Sun Knight on my face, because I am a knight.

Yes, a knight – the Sun Knight with an eternally radiant smile.

We entered the grandiose audience hall and, sure enough, that damn tub of lard was still sitting on the throne and he was even fatter than he was the last time I saw him! He was practically as broad as three hulking warriors. Dear God, I thought, how is it that he has yet to die from a heart attack or some other condition brought on by obesity?

Wearing a perfect smile, I knelt on one knee, resisting the urge to hurl at the sight of excessively huge rolls of fat. Smoothly I picked up the king’s flabby hand and quickly kissed the back of his hand before raising my head. Still smiling, I said, “Your Majesty, the Church of the God of Light’s Sun Knight imparts the benevolence of the God of Light to you.”

“Enough, enough! You always say ‘impart benevolence’, but in the end you always turn out to have come to cause trouble!” That fat pig of a king waved his hand in a brusquely dismissive manner.

If you weren’t the one who creates trouble first, you think I would want to come and see just how much flabbier you’ve become again?

With my most innocent and sincere-looking smile, I proceeded to explain, saying, “Your Majesty, the God of Light’s benevolence spreads across the continent for the sake of helping the masses understand the teachings of justice and compassion; its purpose is never to create trouble for you, sire. I am truly grieved if there has been such a misunderstanding and I hope you will grant me the opportunity to resolve the confusion.”

“ENOUGH!” Weariness had appeared on the king’s face as he listened to my speech, and he said perfunctorily, “Hurry up and spit it out; what exactly are you here for this time?”

“I am most grateful for this opportunity to rectify this misunderstanding and touched by your Majesty’s graciousness and compassion,” I said, and I got to my feet in a flawlessly courtly manner. Inwardly, I took a deep breath before launching into my speech, which even I myself found to be unbearably long-winded.

“Since ancient times the God of Light’s benevolence and universal love has blanketed the continent, and each and every inhabitant of the continent is His beloved child. Is there any parent beneath the heavens who does not care for his or her child’s well-being? Since there are no such parents, then the God of Light too must surely desire for the citizens of this continent to live out their lives not in want, but in bountifulness. However, though the God of Light is an omnipotent god, He may not break the covenant which forbids the gods from approaching the mortal realm. Thus, He has entrusted the Church of the God of Light with the task of fostering and sharing His philosophy of merciful love and entrusted His most beloved children to the divinely-appointed rulers of this continent…”

The king gave a massive yawn, not sparing a thought for my feelings at all.

You stupid old fart, you only have to listen. Do you know what a pain it is for me, having to talk?!

“…However, for consecutive years, the poor harvest yields have caused His beloved people to slip into a life of uncertainty and poverty. I am but a lowly Sun Knight and so cannot fathom the thoughts of the God of Light, but even I may understand this: how could the God of Light possibly permit His children to endure such suffering? When His people’s lives are harsh – dear heavens! What sorrow the God of Light must feel. His sorrow, in turn, leads me, the Sun Knight, to feel such guilt, to think that I have thus failed the God of Light in the task entrusted to me, to have allowed His children’s lives to become thus perilous…”

The king had begun to nod off. Next to him, his two key advisors had brought out documents and were consulting the crown prince seated nearby.. The latter, who was the one who did the actual governing, began looking through and making amendments to the documents which the advisors had handed to him.

Next to me, Storm Knight had already given all the women in the audience hall a flirtatious wink, and was about to start from the top again.

“…Despite living under such tragic and painful circumstances, the citizens continue to harbor a deep respect for the king with patriotic hearts, offering up their tax payments in full. Their gesture is thus noble, thus self-sacrificing! Such noble self-sacrifice should be rewarded accordingly, Your Majesty. For while raising the taxes is a necessary course of action, you should, in consideration of the citizens’ noble self-sacrifice, reciprocate their goodwill; only then will the God of Light’s principle of compassion be upheld.”

I’m so touched! I’ve finally reached the main point – that’s right, cutting taxes! Stupid fat pig, the harvest yield is already this little and you still added another retarded tax. Are you trying to force the citizens to revolt against you?!

“What?” The king was suddenly wide awake and he slammed the table with one pudgy hand as he bellowed, “If we don’t increase the taxes, where will the money for the palace’s expansion come from?!”

Nooo… Don’t force me to have to talk again! I thought, agonized.

“Your Majesty.” In a casual manner, Storm Knight remarked, “Twenty percent of the harvest is the agreed upon amount in all the kingdoms of this continent. If you insist on having your way and increasing the taxes, the Church of the God of Light will not provide any form of assistance whatsoever should any problematic situation arise.”

A simple, straight to the point threat, executed just like a highwayman! Storm, well said! I am sooo grateful to you! I thought. However, on the surface, I still rebuked him sternly, “Storm, how can you speak thus to his Majesty, the king? This goes against the God of Light’s principle of not speaking frivolously.”

Storm shrugged. Theoretically, he must heed orders issued by me, the leader of the Twelve Holy Knights, and so he spoke no more, but what shouldn’t have been said was already said, so keeping silent wouldn’t make much of a difference.

Except, of course, it wasn’t really a big deal since as the whole continent knew, the Storm Knight’s disregard for rules and formality was a part of his laid-back personality, so nobody would really hold it against him.

“This, this is a threat!” the king exclaimed, trembling with fury.

“Oh! Your Majesty,” I hurried to explain, “Please do not misunderstand; the God of Light would never employ such a lowly method as threatening someone…”

…But the Church of the God of Light will.

“We but carry within us such feelings of sorrow and compassion, and simply cannot bear to see the people in such dire straits…”

You damn tub of lard! It wouldn’t benefit me in the least if the people chose to revolt against you! There’s especially little gain for the Church, which doesn’t get much by way of income from the taxes but still must send out troops to help you suppress the revolts! Face the facts and take back the decree to increase to the taxes, or else we will watch as you’re chopped and turned into mincemeat for dumpling filling, and then help the crown prince ascend to the throne!

“Crown prince, heh, the Pope told me the last time that he really admires you. I wonder when I will be able to call you ‘Your Majesty’?” Storm Knight asked cheekily, addressing the crown prince.

“We receive the Pope’s well-wishes with utmost gratitude,” replied the crown prince with great courtesy.

Hahaha! Storm, you’re the best! Yet another simple but effective threat to that fat pig of a king!

To the king, I thought, If you don’t rescind the decree to increase taxation, then we’ll just force you to step down as king! After all, you don’t dare to move against your capable eldest son.

The king’s face was indeed grey as ash, and after hesitating for a long while, he finally gave a weak wave of his hand and said, “Since the harvest is poor, we shall slow down on the palace’s expansion and not increase the taxes.”

Very good! I can finally report back to the Holy Temple. There aren’t nearly as many people in the Temple who will think of forcing me to speak! I can finally go back to being a silent Sun Knight!

“However, Sun Knight, since you rarely come to the palace, we shall hold a banquet tonight to cleanse you of the dust of your travels. You must make sure to have a few rounds of drink with me, or else it’ll be a slight to me!” As he spoke, the king smiled so broadly that his piggy little eyes were practically squinted shut.

Upon hearing that, Storm shot me a worried look.

As the whole continent knows, the Sun Knight does not even touch a drop of drink. One cup and his face will turn red, two cups and his head will start to ache, and upon finishing the third cup, he will topple over, unconscious.

I gave a weak smile and appeared rather troubled, but naturally it was just a fa?ade for the king to see. After being threatened twice in a row, if the king wasn’t allowed even the tiniest sense of accomplishment, he’d probably create trouble for the Church in the future and that would be…bad.

“Sun…will do his best,” I answered formally, and made a show of acquiescing to the king’s will as I knelt on one knee with a feigned look of helplessness.

“Hahaha! Men! Hurry and go prepare a banquet, and bring out the best and strongest wine there is!”

As the king ordered his servants obnoxiously to make the preparations, the crown prince gave me an apologetic look. After all, it was him who secretly contacted the Church and asked us to intervene when he realized he could not prevent the king from raising the taxes.

Although Storm was still winking at the ladies present, now he would throw me worried looks from time to time as well.

What’s there to worry about? Let me get one thing straight: I’m an undefeatable drinker!

That’s right, I, the Sun Knight who supposedly can’t take more than three cups of wine, am actually history’s biggest drink fiend!

I thought back to the past, when my teacher brought me to a secret, mysterious cellar…

“Child, your lesson for today is to drink wine.”

“What? But teacher, doesn’t the Sun Knight have a low tolerance for drink?”

“The Sun Knight always forgives others, but have you ever really forgiven someone?”

“Nope.”

“The Sun Knight always wears a smile, but how many times have you really smiled from the bottom of your heart?”

“Only a few times…”

“The Sun Knight is a benevolent spokesperson, but are you really benevolent?”

“…”

“Child, if you have a low tolerance for drink, then how are you going to make sure that after drinking, you’ll still be able to maintain the image of the Sun Knight as someone who turns red on the first cup, has a headache with the second cup, and topples over unconscious after the third?

“So you see, the idea that the Sun Knight has low tolerance for drink is actually founded on the premise that the Sun Knight cannot be defeated by drink.”

This argument might sound really reasonable, but when I think about it carefully, it seems to be full of contradictions as well!

“Drink up, child. You have to drink wine every night for the next month, until you can drink wine like it’s just water.”

“…”

The year I turned twelve, I became someone who could drink wine as easily as water, an undefeatable drinker, all for the sake of the Sun Knight’s image as a lightweight drinker.

Back in the present, ten minutes into that evening’s banquet, with the king forcing drink on me, I “lost consciousness” after my third glass of wine.

Very good! I can finally return to the room and sleep.

Storm’s really pitiful, though. For the sake of his image as the Storm Knight, he’s still back there attending the ball and winking at all the ladies. From the number of noblewomen present…he won’t be coming back to sleep until way past midnight, when his facial muscles have cramped up from all that winking.